Recently in funny Category

This just in: Uhhh WTF? Apparently walruses can learn dance routines to "Smooth Criminal."

I don't know about your sense of humor, but mine is pretty tickled by this interview with rapper DMX by XXLmag. His indifference to everything the interviewer is asking him is pretty exceptional. The best comes at about the middle, when DMX is asked whether he's following the presidential race:

XXLmag: Are you following the presidential race?
DMX: Not at all.

You're not? You know there's a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there's Hillary Clinton.
His name is Barack?!

Barack Obama, yeah.
Barack?!

Barack.
What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
Barack Obama?

Yeah.
What the fuck?! That ain't no fuckin' name, yo. That ain't that nigga's name. You can't be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

It gets even better, I swear. I don't know what's funnier: the interviewer's lack of knowing how to discuss politics beyond a superficial level, or his unease at probing DMX for actual answers to his questions...or DMX just blatantly not giving a fuck about anything. This whole thing kind of seems too out there to be for real. But who cares, it's on the intarnetsource and it's funny.

So, I made this yesterday because I like to use the internet to ruin people's sexdrives. Keeps people away from internet porn and all. It got posted on lolgrims by Diesel Sweeties creator rstevens. Hurray! cyb3rw3b famez0r.

I just tried explaining the concept of internet memes to a roomful of people who'd never heard of a lolcat (perish the thought!) and it is really better to just say, "you don't want to know."

Last night I went out for Thai food with a friend and when we came back to where we'd parked his mom's Cadillac, it wasn't there. We called the police and waited in helpless disbelief for over 2 hours. I mean, what do you do when your car isn't there and it's not registering at any of the impound lots? You can't look to see if maybe you left it under that car up there instead of where you actually parked it...you can't look to see if maybe it had rolled away a little bit. I looked up at the big tree we'd parked under, but it just doesn't work that way. And of course we couldn't even get wasted while we're waiting 'cuz we don't know when the cops are going to show up...all we could do was just wait there, on the corner of Park Ave and Edgerton.

The cop finally gets there and runs the plate through the system twice for us, though we'd called multiple times while waiting, checking the impound lots. He says, "There is no way your car got stolen here." Even if we weren't in the particular neighborhood we were in - the street was well-lit, there were people out walking dogs at 11 PM - no one would get very far in a stolen Cadillac. The alarm would've gone off and we were all of 2 blocks away! So no, it just didn't make any sense.

Our cop goes, "Not that I don't believe you, but I'm just gonna check the streets around the area to make sure you're on the right one."

And wouldn't you know. His mom's shiny purple '06 Cadillac was one street West of us the whole time.

I can't say I've ever felt like that much of a dumbass, nor that I've ever been so happy to have been such a dumbass.

Before the reign of the almighty Google commenced, when someone stole something from you, you'd file a police report.

Now of course, you bitch about it on your blog.

Chris H. has gone one step further into the sea of asshattery and has started a blog just to defame Win Butler of Arcade Fire for allegedly stealing his basketball. The blog's address is http://arcadefirestolemybasketball.blogspot.com/ . It has just two posts. First, Chris H.'s surly account of what he claims happened at the Cal Berkely gym, and the second asking Win to make restitution for the $40 basketball and the 10 bucks he had to pay to get into the gym that day.

Arcade Fire pointed out on their blog that it's incredibly easy to make something up these days if you've got a computer hooked up to the internet. Without video documentation or a police report, I'm inclined to agree. Something else is also telling me that this is so.

What really irks me about this is that for the next 6 months at least, the band is going to get asked why they steal basketballs by everyone they do an interview with. Why do I have a sneaking suspicion that someone at MTV2 paid that dude to start that blog?

Edit: The blog's offline now, as is "Arcade Fire Didn't Steal Dude's Basketball." Bummer. Anyone get any screenshots? It's kinda disappointing this didn't go on for longer since most people won't understand why I made this post at all, but I'm glad 'cuz Arcade Fire will probably be spared a lot of annoying questions at interviews this year.

Saw Spiderman 3 tonight...was struck not by the many implausibilities of the script, but rather by angst-ridden Peter Parker's uncanny resemblance to Conor Oberst of Bright Eyes.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

I rest my case.

Did you know that if you drink this organic espresso from David Lynch, you'll grow a third arm out of your ear? In fact, everyone you come in contact with after that will grow a third arm out of their ear, until one day you'll find a beautiful woman who instead grows a third ear on her arm. She'll ask you to suck on it. After sharing an intense moment of intimacy, you'll find yourself sitting in front of your computer with only two regular arms again, staring at the slogan, It's all in the beans...and I'm just full of beans.

Dude, I need to buy this coffee. Actually, you need to buy me this coffee. It's my birthday in two weeks!

"It's nice weather inside the metro!" - Made in 1976, the first ad campaign for the Montreal Metro entices commuters with song, dance, and the prospect of scoring hot dates. "Peux-tu en dire autant dans ton auto?" (Can you say the same of your car?) Non, absolument non! Ha, I love the jingle they came up with for this. I feel like it could be very easily turned into the anthem for a fascist state. Just substitute "l'métro" with "prison camps" and you're well on your way!

[youtube vid] via [Montreal lj]

Il fait beau dans l'métro
Tout le monde est gai tout le monde a le coeur au soleil

Il fait beau dans l'métro
Plus ça va vite plus il fait beau dans nos oreilles

Il fait beau dans l'métro
Y'a du ciel bleu dans les yeux contents de tout le monde

Il fait beau dans l'métro
Car aujourd'hui notre métro c'est le plus beau du monde

Il fait beau dans l'métro
Et dans l'autobus c'est son p'tit frère

Il fait beau dans l'métro
et l'autobus
Peux-tu en dire autant dans ton auto?

Ah ah ah ah ah

Il fait beau dans l'métro
Notre métro c'est le plus joyeux
et comme il chante c'est tant mieux
Vive le métro
Oui
Il fait beau dans l'métro